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What If?

 

 

What if things are not going to get better? What if you’re are not going to get rich, regain perfect health and get everyone to love you unconditionally? What if you are not going to have that vacation of a lifetime, a pet that doesn’t shed, or family that don’t complain? What if things slowly get worse? What if some of the people you count on die? What if the cost of everything goes up while the quality of your life goes down? What if you knew that you were going to become one of those people you used to help cross the street? What if both you and your temper became shorter, and the distance you had to travel for a good night sleep or a comfortable chair was much too far? What if your children were no longer children and lived next door in the same retirement home?  What if people you just met told you that you were remarkable because you were still alive, or that you look good for your age? What if you had to trade in your bicycle for a walker and you had no place you really wanted to walk? What if your new favorite book was on death and dying? What if the early bird special was too close to your bedtime?

 

My yesterdays are a creative mix of things that happened and how I would like them to be remembered.

 

I have never had one good tomorrow, so I have stopped tomorrowing.

 

Today I made friends with my body, with my life and with the moment. I have lost interest in where I have been or where I might have gone had things been different, or were I to have had more money. I have stopped comparing myself to a younger version of me. I have stopped comparing my successes and failures with those of other people my age. I have observed that everyone ages at his or her own rate, that everyone ages, and that aging is the greatest of equalizers. I realize now, more than ever before, the amount of time allotted each of us is very short and should not be wasted. I will be writing more about life, living, change, and especially about love.

 

At the end of each day what stands out, makes me smile, laugh and feel good is reflecting on the moments of the day when I loved and felt loved. What seems to transcend age, pain, loss and victory over anything or any condition is love.

Once I was a baby who survived because he was loved. Once I was a young man who fell in love and loved. Once I was in my middle years and was a warrior for freedom, justice and poetry. Now I am an older man and have come to be a lover. I cannot tell you about tomorrow, but I suspect that just like today I will be a lover.

 

 

© Robert Luckin

1 April 2013