«

»

A CURE FOR EVERYTHING

 

 

Have you been wishing you could live to be 150 + years old while maintaining perfect heath? Have you been thinking about how great it would be to have the body of a 21 year old, and an IQ of180? Having you been missing out on life because of lifeless hair and missing teeth? Have you traded in your bikini for a box of Depends? Have you asked yourself why you have to be the one suffering from depression, sleepless nights and hemorrhoids? Don’t you think it’s a little unfair that you have to suffer the embarrassment of nail fungus?  Have you been looking for a fast, painless, easy way to lose that 25 to 300 extra pounds you put on over Christmas?

 

Have you bought hook line and sinker the idea that aging is a natural part of life? Are you one of the millions of Americans who have been sucked into believing that at some point in the future you will die?

 

Today I have some good news for you. Stop whatever you are doing, turn off the TV and put away your medical journals. You may find what I am about to tell you hard to believe and I understand your suspicion, especially since I don’t have a medical degree, any experience in research, or any experience remotely connected to medicine or heath care. The fact is, I don’t even own a lab coat. On the other hand, I had the most amazing dream, and in this dream I received the sacred formula for INVIS-A-PILL. If you can’t trust your dreams what can you trust? Because this came to me in a dream I was not required to do any research. I am bringing this amazing formula to you directly form a dream state where its patent is pending.

 

To take advantage of this once in a lifetime offer, all you have to do is send me $1000.00 and I will ship you one INVIS-A-PILL. This amazing pill will be shipped to you in its own beautiful, hermetically sealed, gold plated, plastic container. Your INVIS-A-PILL will cure you of everything that has ever been wrong with you. Within eight to ten years you will have perfect skin, find your perfect weight, enjoy long silky hair, and grow new white shiny teeth. You will be the envy of all your friends as you dazzle them with your amazing newfound super intelligence.

 

For best results hold sealed, gold-plated plastic container three inches from your mouth for 30 seconds so that the INVIS-A-PILL can find its way into your mouth. For complete details read Chinese instructions included with your INVIS-A-PILL.

 

© Robert Luckin (Satire)

15 March 2013